Monday, June 6, 2011

imagining the future is a kind of nostalgia.

stealing a quote from John Green, who stole the quote from the yeti. (if you don't understand what that means read Looking for Alaska and watch all videos from this youtube channel (actually, do this to understand all things)

      This quote has been ringing through my head for the past month, starting right before my 21st birthday, because I have so much future ahead of me that I want to try and figure out. The quote that rings in harmony with it is "Those that think about the future are escapists" [don't remember if this was John Green or Jonathan Franzen...I get my quotable-notable-novelists confused] That is my struggle...am I planning ahead? or am I idealizing the future to avoid the present?

        A month ago all I could think about was being 21, finishing finals, moving to and living in Minneapolis, senior year, comps, and living in Bucket House. Now that I am 21, done with finals, and in Minneapolis...I am still trying to organize the future. I like to make plans and follow them. Tomorrow, for instance, I want to wake up, go for a walk, go to the post office, drive to work in the afternoon (get gas on the way and try not to cry at the exorbitant price), and then come home. Which makes me seen like a task-master, but that doesn't suit me. I am spontaneous, and can adapt to change. This morning, I missed my bus and had to quickly change my route, was constantly reassigned tasks at work, stayed late, and spontaneously bought myself an iced chai...:) But maybe my task-orientedness is linked to my interest in maps...yes, maps. When applying to college I told my mom I wanted to major in demography, but I don't think such a major exists. I have always liked maps and stats in Time Magazine and interactive maps online. I am also a huge fan Andrew Kuo's charts in the New York Times, I hang them as art on my wall. I need that visual layout of things in my head. I plan tasks based on my route-I do that everyday at Kenyon, and it is why I am getting gas on the way to work tomorrow. I always consult Google Maps before heading out in Minneapolis, it helps me get my bearings and get a glance at what landmarks I may pass: bridges, parks...presidential gravesites. I need a Google Maps for my life: "Get Directions" Point A: Summer 2011 in Minneapolis. Point B: Summer 2012 after graduation. I want to see my trip options, I want to know how long it would take on a bike, or walking. I can see my exits, or the toll roads, maybe my journey includes ferry transit.  That's how my thinking about the future gets a little out of hand...last night I got overwhelmed looking up grad schools and teaching certification and Masters degrees...secondary? elementary? Do I want to move back to Michigan? What about foundations or non-profits? Do I want a Philanthropy degree from Indiana University? Do I want to go to grad school right away? Take a year off? I could get a bird's eye view of all of the answers in the directions on Google Maps:My Life. Mapping the future is a fun hobby if you use satellite technology, or brightly colored icons to click on, but is, unfortunately for me, an impossible endeavor.

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